Undeserving
by MaryandMerlin
Summary: Everyone had scars after the war, none more so than Hermione. Can Ron draw her out from her shell? RW/HG One-Shot


**Author's Note: So here is my first round entry and this is the first Romione I have ever written. I hope I didn't butcher it too badly!**

 **Prompts:**

 **QLFC - Round 1 (Not My OTP)**

 **Write your Chaser 3's NOTP (Romione)**

 **(dialogue) "I'm happier than I've ever been before"**

 **(word) apple**

 **(image)** **tyre swing on a tree**

 **HSoWaW - Lithomancy**

 **Apatite - Write about someone dwelling or thinking deeply over an event from the past.**

 **Camp Potter - First Aid  
** **Mandatory: 1. Too late** **2\. "This wasn't supposed to happen."** **3\. Stain**

 **FRIENDS challenge**

 **TOW The Soap Opera Party: Write about someone else's NOTP.**

 **Percy Jackson Characters Challenge**

 **Nico di Angelo: Write about someone who was changed by a war.**

 **Disney Challenge**

 **Louis: Write about Hermione.**

 _ **Word Count (no A.N.): 961**_

 **Disclaimer:** **I don't own anything that you recognise!**

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Undeserving

The sun was setting; a deep rosy glow hung in the air, staining everything it touched a pale pinkish hue. It was breath-takingly beautiful. From her vantage point, Hermione could see the whole valley; the quaint little village sat off to one side surrounded by rolling fields. She should have been basking in the sheer perfection of it all. She should have been thanking her lucky stars. She should have been so glad to be alive; but she wasn't.

Hermione sighed turning her gaze away from the beauty around her, down to the shiny apple in her hands. She twiddled the stem and turned the heavy fruit over and over. Fiddling, one of the few nervous habits she possessed, was oddly calming, but even this couldn't take away the sick feeling in her stomach.

"This wasn't supposed to happen," she whispered to herself.

"Hermione."

She twisted around and looked up. Ron, bathed in dying sunlight, ambled slowly over the crest of the hill smiling softly at her. The rays caught on his hair and for a brief moment he looked like he was on fire. Hermione turned back to her apple, drawing her knees up under her chin, as Ron skirted the weathered tyre swing and sat carefully beside her.

"I thought I might find you here."

Hermione smiled, small and humorless. "Am I that predictable?"

"No," Ron replied softly, his eyes fixed on the horizon, "I just know you 'Mione."

Hermione was grateful for the silence that followed, and grateful that Ron didn't pressure her into speaking and that he seemed content to simply be with her in these moments. So, together, they watched as the sun grew smaller and smaller until finally it disappeared beneath the horizon and the world turned to dusk. With nothing left to watch, Ron turned towards her. She could feel his concerned eyes searching her face, looking for some sort of sign that would explain her somber mood.

"I don't deserve this," she whispered in answer to his unspoken question. She didn't look at him, she couldn't, not with the tears collecting in her eyes.

"Don't deserve what?" he asked, still confused.

Hermione shook her head. "Any of it. I don't deserve to be here, Ron, to be alive in this moment surrounded by all of this beauty. I haven't earnt any of it, least of all you."

"Hermione," Ron took her hand, pulling it away from the apple she still held and holding it in his own. He was so warm. "Why on earth would you not deserve this? After all you have been through, all you have fought for. What would make you think this way?"

"Because so many people died, Ron," she whispered, too late now to hide the tears flowing freely down her face. "So many good people died and I didn't save them. I wasn't smart or quick enough. C-Colin. Sweet, brave little Colin fought and died whilst I was too busy running through forests or beaches and just hid like the coward I am."

She dropped the apple, letting it bounce down the hill, as Ron drew her into his arms. She buried her face into his shoulder and sobbed, feeling fully for the first time all the loss she had endured in the past year. The battle had been less than a month ago and the wounds, both physical and emotional, were still too fresh.

"Everytime I close my eyes, I see their faces: Colin, Remus, Tonks, F-Fred. I'm happier than I've ever been before and I know I shouldn't be. Not when so much has happened. I shouldn't be so happy, Ron. It's wrong."

Ron held her in silence as she continued to sob. Soon her hysterics quieted to sniffles and hiccups and even they stopped eventually. He continued to hold her, softly stroking her hair until her breathing had become even and her eyes grew heavy.

"That, Hermione Granger," he whispered into her hair, "is the worst lie I have ever heard you utter."

She stirred, making to lift her head and protest, but he simply held her tighter.

"You absolutely deserve to be happy and I know for a fact that everyone you mentioned and everyone who suffered would not want you to smother your happiness simply to mourn them. In fact, I think they'd probably be quite angry if you did. No one worked harder or sacrificed more in this war, Hermione, and Merlin knows we wouldn't have done this without you."

"I just don't feel like I should be happy, it feels like a betrayal. You know?"

"I do know. Fred, my own brother, is gone and it is a pain that burns me everyday, but you know what, Hermione?" She looked up at him, surprised at the fire in his eyes. "If I didn't love you, if you didn't make me happy, I wouldn't have the strength to get up in the morning."

Ron looked at Hermione in the gathering darkness and saw in her eyes everything he could ever want or need in the world. It hurt him that she was so broken, but he knew it was a wound that only time could heal.

"We're so lucky to have each other," he continued, turning back to look out over the hills and laying his cheek on her soft hair. "In this awful world having you makes it all worth it, and I don't think anyone would ever begrudge us being happy for having each other. Do you?"

Hermione didn't respond for a long moment and, listening to the even sound of her breathing, Ron began to wonder if she'd fallen asleep.

"No," she whispered, so quietly Ron wasn't sure if he'd imagined it. "I don't think they would."

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 **Much Love, MaryandMerlin x**


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